I always find the need to stay up early into the morning and then wake up four hours later. I have a problem. I need to get some sleep and get into a better schedule. I should probably do this before I find a job so I can prove that I can do my best for whoever I work for.
Today is Christmas Eve and I am going to go home and spend time with my family. I dunno what we are going to do but I’m sure it could be fun. My mom said my dad has been getting depressed cause of the winter and he always does during holidays. She told me that my dad and I should take a trip to Florida for a few days; I think this would be fun. I could really use some sunlight.
I find myself staying inside upwards of four days without stepping outside. I hate this slushy muddy stuff. Today I wore jeans and I wasn’t too happy about it. I cannot stand it when my jeans get wet and the slush makes it worse. Every winter I normally just wear shorts all the time. I think it is time to start that again. I know I will look pretty funny with shorts and steel toe boots on; this is something I just have to do.
I really just can’t wait for this week to be over. I mean it is nice that this is my first week off of school and I get to have Christmas on the same week. The thing that sucks about this week is that I have one less week to look for a job just because of how busy everything is. I really hope I can get a job interview in the next could weeks. My roommate has been so kind as to let me stay here even though I owe rent. I hope that the money I am getting for help from family in the next couple days will be enough for me to pay a couple bills and help out my roommate.
I dunno why but everyone is always getting depressed when holidays roll around. I never really do… I just get bored. Hopefully everyone can chill out for a while and take a breather. I’m just glad all I have to worry about is finding a job right now. I’ve been making sure the apartment stays clean too. I guess I am just trying to not go crazy from being stuck inside!
First drawing ever
Second drawing ever
Third drawing ever
These are the main things I had to draw for a class I had this semester. It was a pretty fun experience and a helpful tool. Now I have more ways to look at the world in order to make them fit in mine. This is a skill I might try to get to a higher level. This class was a lot of fun. I got to visually see myself progress and get better.
This post is for all of you Canadians! I have a spy and it tells me that three of you have been visiting this site frequently and a few more check back whenever I have a new post. I don’t really know why the reader population of this journal is Canadian but thank you! Someday I want to move to another country. Is this just a small hint that I should move into Canada? I know that I love your people, accent, outdoors, and the fact that you all love the outdoors. I know that I wouldn’t like having cooler weather and that is my biggest gripe as of right now. If I don’t live in Canada someday I will at least become a frequent visitor like you are to my place here.
Life is starting to seem like it is nearly worthless and will never be fulfilling; at least not very often.
On Thanksgiving after everyone had left and my laundry was finished I headed out to my grandparents house. They just bought a new house and moved from Fort Wayne to Columbia City. They had told me they were having problems with there new appliances because they are all digital. Who gives old people all digital appliances? The first thing I figured out and showed them how to use was the oven. I had a pretty hard time myself getting it to work. My grandma was having a problem with the oven only baking at 100F and when I tried I had the same problem. After goofing around with it for a few minutes I figured it out and watched them work the oven; all was good. The next thing I showed them how to use was the digital thermostat. There is one thing I hate in the world and that is digital thermostats; they have a brain of their own. I figured it all out and in no time my grandpa at 73yr old was programing it on his own. I saw that my grandma had some wireless phone sets and I set those up for them and they figured those out on their own. The last thing I did that night for them was setup the message on their answering machine; so if you ever call them and you get the machine the voice is mine. The first message I left I said, “MoOOooOoOg” they just laughed and I set it to something normal. After all the stuff was setup and they knew how to work it all we sat and talked about stuff like we always do. I always try and see my grandparents at least once a week. It kinda blows that they moved out of town… now I wont see them as much; I’m just glad they are closer to everyone in the family now. My grandparents may be old but they are in excellent health and shape.
Well this leads to the depressing thing I realized today. That evening I felt so fulfilled and good about life. Tonight I realized that life is never going to be that fulfilling; maybe only once a week. My roommate Ben confirmed that it is much less than that even. Why does life have to suck that much? Right now it just seems everything I do is for no good or I don’t get any recognition.
For this week the good feeling came from helping my roommate work on a Gentoo box for work. I just hope that life isn’t going to blow all the time… I dunno how long I am going to be able to handle it…
I am starting to feel better but I am also feeling stressed out even more. There are only a couple more weeks of school left! I just might graduate because the class I though I was failing I guess I can pass with a D. The reason I am stressed is because I have a lot of stuff due by the end of the semester still. One reason I know I am feeling better is because I have started back on tuna and whole grain pasta again. I know it is the same boring flavor everyday but it keeps me in control of how my body is going to react. I have started working out again. My whole upper body is sore and I am glad. I am going to do what I used to do back home… every time I go to the restroom for any reason, I do push-ups and crunches until I can do no more. I think by the time December is done I should be in pretty good shape. I’ll be ready for a good fight too. I have not been in a fight in a long time and I know I am probably due for one in the near future… I don’t know why but I just have a feeling. When I start to care about myself like I am right now I know that life is going to go a little better; because I care. I am about to have a lot of freetime, finally! I have been spending so much of it worrying and working on stuff I don’t want to. I know I will still have to get a job but at least I will get paid for my time now! If I get a job I know I will always have a couple days to myself as well! For now though I need to do more work on school stuff!