Archive for the ‘Feelings’ Category

28
Feb

Screwed up vision and perspective of life.

   Posted by: Sir Mason

So a month ago I had a suspicion that you can strengthen your iris. I noticed how some irises look like cracked glass while others look meaty. When I first started working out my iris it looked like cracked glass. After a month of daily exercise it is starting to look meaty.

While I was looking at photos of irises I was also studying the irises of animals. I saw how birds have meaty well exercised irises while human irises look weak. If we ever talk face-to-face and you see that I am looking at something; I am just observing your eyes. Since I have found this out I like to watch eyes.

When I first started exercising my irises I could see that I was damaging them. Holes had begun to form and my iris went from looking like broken glass to sludge. It was annoying at first because light would shine through the holes. I thought I was going to make myself blind. I didn’t really care if I would lose my vision. My eyes are terrible already and without them I am blind.

After finding out about the iris I started wondering if I could adjust the other parts of my vision; like my astigmatism. I knew that if I could somehow change the shape of my eye by squeezing the sides or top and bottom that I could get rid of it. For about a week I have been exercising the muscles that hold the eye in place. I take my glasses off and squint to see things perfectly then slowly go back to bad vision. I think doing this is helping to strengthen the muscles around the eyes. After I squint and relax for a few minutes to stretch the muscles I then hold the perfect vision for a few minutes and relax again. After a couple days of exercise when I put my glasses back on I had my astigmatism when I put my glasses back on. The first couple days after I was done working out the muscles my eyes were becoming tired and a nap was in order after the workout. So any further strain would not cause any damage. Not only were my eyes getting a workout but so was my brain. After the first day of working out my eye by the end of work I had a headache in the backside of my brain (this is where vision is controlled) and I had visuals of rainbow zigzaggy lines all around like water running slowly out of a faucet. It was hard to focus on the words on my monitor and eventually I couldn’t focus on things that close to me at all. Once I was outside my vision was normal because I could focus on the horizon.

I am near sighted and my final step to seeing 100% if only for a minute or two at a time is to find out how to squish in the back of my eye to bring the lens closer to the optic nerve. I have done this once before and it was through an intense amount of smiling by being purely joyful.

Now what would make me do all of this? I have been going through a depressing time and one day I was looking in the mirror just for the fun of it; to look around my face and inspect it in detail. I am the kind of person who likes to observe and see how things work. I was raised to “figure out everything”; so when I am bored I learn how things work and watch things. Figuring out patterns has always been my favorite activity. Well anyway, I had observed and found out how everything on my desk works by tearing them apart, looking at the things in detail, and reading about them if I couldn’t figure it out on my own. So I started thinking about when to look at next and what could I figure out. I looked all over my room under my desk, sofa, and bed and there was nothing. I had to use the restroom and when I was done I looked in the mirror. I took off my glasses and I couldn’t see anything; so I moved in closer. I looked into my eye and was looking at the patterns in it but I was having a hard time seeing what the iris was. I went back into my bedroom and grabbed a platter from a hard disk drive. This is the only thing I have that has a near perfect reflective surface and it was a sunny day so I would have proper lighting and a good tool for inspection. I also have my near sightedness; when I have my glasses off I can see things in high detail if they are close to my face. When I started to observe my eye I noticed that there was a lot more than a pattern and color to the eye but there is also muscle and mine looked dead. My iris looked stiff, brittle, and unhealthy. As I continued to look I felt my vision zooming in. I looked around and noticed that my pupil was dilating. I looked around my room and brought my vision back to normal. I looked into the platter again and watched my iris contract and my vision zoomed in as I held focus. I saw small strands of tissue around the pupil these must have been the muscles that allow the iris to contract and expand. I noticed that my eyelids always keep a shadow over my pupil keeping direct light out of my vision. I messed around with my eye a little longer and realized I was damaging the iris. Small holes had started to form and light was going in them. I started to panic for a while but realized I needed to relax and cover my eyes.

After I had done all of this and feeling like I was going to lose the vision in my left eye. I felt good. I had never felt that kind of connection with my body before or if I did it was in a different stage of life that I cannot remember (maybe when I was a baby or child). It was a good reminder that this body is mine and that I not only live in it but I control it and it is part of me. For the longest time I have treated this body like a vehicle. I keep it clean, I make sure it is running good, and I keep it fueled with food high in vitamins and try to keep junk out of it. Since that day I discovered my iris, I have noticed some other quirks about myself: I don’t smile often (at least when I am alone which is most of my time) and I have bad posture. Vocalizing isn’t a strong point either but that was obvious to me since my teens. Now that I am aware of some things that need to be fixed for better health; I am now working on them.

So, for the longest time I have been treating this body as a vehicle. Something you hop in and it takes you places but the problem is you are stuck in it. So for the longest time I have just been driving and not really living; I have been missing out on the experience of life. Sure I have good times and bad times; I have done good things and bad things… but my view of everything for years has been a disconnected one.

One of my favorite hobbies other than observing things is to just drive and go places for no reason at all but just to keep moving and seeing things. Since it isn’t summer I can’t do my other hobby of riding my bike but now that I realized my strange connection with my body I can now enjoy it too.

19
Dec

Why I like the snow:

   Posted by: Sir Mason

When it snows it is one of the only times that everything “man made” (roads, houses, cars, etc) can become covered by something natural. The invisibility of these things is the only time we can really see our part of the planet in some kind of virgin state.

Last night, like every year before, it seems like I always have the pleasure of driving in the snow as it begins to fall. I was with my friend Shane and as soon as we saw the snow we were both hoping that it would keep falling. We stood around in the cold until  we saw the roads were covered in snow; then we hopped in my car and cruised around. We were the first ones to leave track on most of the roads we traveled and only saw a few other explorers. It always feels like an expedition during the first snow fall. Decisions must be made of where to go and were to look. Looking for what though? Nothing really. Just driving around enjoying the beauty of nature.

26
Nov

Mirrors

   Posted by: Sir Mason

Today I realized how introverted I am once again. I was brushing my teeth like I do every time but every time I never look in the mirror and if I do I hurry up and finish. Well today I was looking and I have stains on my teeth. I never noticed until now and it is probably only because it got bad enough, lol. Well I guess it is time to face myself in the mirror and watch what I am doing more often. I really hope it doesn’t make me any less introverted though. Lately my brain has been firing like millions of bottle rockets flying every which way and landing on all of my may thoughts and imaginings (Tim, Dave, and Jon only know). I only think it is because of always being introverted but when I become really secluded from people my brain starts imagining many things in a comparative way and looking at it symmetrically pointing out the similarities and differences. I feel like i have something to discover in this world maybe of no importance to most if any people but things I want to know for myself. I still find this teeth problem a little funny since I exercise daily and watch what I eat. I guess wIll have to smile more.

18
Jul

Dish Washing Computers

   Posted by: Sir Mason

Lately all I have been doing is going to work and coming home to relax. I have not really been thinking about much other than just relaxation. Today my computer crashed on me and I realized I have graduated from Indiana Tech with a Bachelors of Science in Computer Networking but I am washing dishes? I honestly like my dish washing job I go to work and when I get home I don’t have to think about work. Being able to go home and not think about work is the most important thing about a job to me. When it works out like that I think it means that I am content for the most part with where I work. Everyone at work gets along pretty much like no one give another person a hard time. I make decent money. I eat good food at work for free. But why am I so content when I could be doing better? Well right now my plan is to save up $8,000 - $10,000 and posibly move to somewhere I would like to live. I figure with that much money I can live for a while in a town I want and look for a job. I can at least find an average job to pick up my bills; at least then maybe someone will give my resume a little more consideration; since when I apply for jobs out of state they tell me they would like me to at least live in their town. But for now I think I have the best job to pick up the slack while I save up some money to find something else to do. In the meantime a lot of people have been refering me to fix their computers. I am able to make a little cash almost every week with that and I’ve been reading about computer related things to keep fresh at least on new technologies. I guess I’ll just see how things go.

23
May

Hammock for a Bed

   Posted by: Sir Mason

When I was a kid I used to have a hammock that my dad’s family in Laos gave me. I had that hammock hooked up to my bunk bed for nights and used the hammock as a bed. Nearly 10 years later I have another hammock but this guy is a lot bigger. After I setup the hammock it takes up nearly all of my bedroom. What I did with the old bed was set it up in my closet. I figure if I have some friends over to chill then they have some place to sleep if it is late. I have been laying in the hammock, burning incense, and listening to music. I feel so peaceful and relaxed. I feel like people would pay me to hang out in my room because of how zen it is. Now that I have a relaxed feeling room setup I think that I will get a lot more done. Now I have a quiet comfortable place to relax and chill. I don’t know why I didn’t move up here a long time ago. Even when I moved up here in my room without this hammock it is just so peaceful and relaxed I can’t explain it. I guess you will have to visit.

22
Apr

I never would have thought…

   Posted by: Sir Mason

I realize I have not been blogging much but that is because not much has been happening in my life and every time I do write something I like to just sit down and write as much as I can.

I have come to notice that all my friends (I mean that literally) lives have been changing or will change. So I’m writing about them since they are totally worth while to write about.

I spent the first part of the week hanging out with Dave and Jon. They are both moving home: Dave back to New York and Jon back to central but might as well be southern Indiana. Although they are both moving I guess it could be good for them to be able to sit around and think of what they want to do while they are working and whatever. They both seem to want to grow up a bit more and that will give them a better chance of doing that. It’ll suck though not seeing them all summer or maybe even for a whole year. Since these guys are the main reason I travel long distances to hang out in Warsaw. Haha it’s got to be weird for Dave and Jon too… they are always attached to the hip in everything they do.

I know that Dave wants to move to Florida and I have been wanting too as well. I always have fun just sitting around with these guys. We talk about just the dumbest stuff spouting off every word we can think of into a complete mess of a sentence that usually ends up with us all cracking up. I’ve known Dave since back in the day when we went to summer camp and did the exact same things as today. It’s so weird that we wont hang out this summer and I’m not going to be happy seeing you leave. At least we’ll still have Weblog v0.4 and I’ll probly come up and visit or see you in Florida the end of the year.

Tim another guy I hang out with in Warsaw will be moving to Florida in a couple months. I’ve only known him for a year but he has been one of the coolest guys to just sit around and hang out with. It’s kinda weird too because he’s seemed like a closer friend than friends I have had for years and just because he just likes to sit around and chill out and talk. The stuff we talk about is usually deep and thoughtful which are things that more people should talk about.

This year all my other friends are getting hooked up or married. One will probably not be distant though and that is my buddy Chris. I’m glad that he’s with this cool girl who lets him do stuff and she likes to hang out and doesn’t care that he’s the weird guy he is. I know we’ll still hang out, have fun, and make stuff. I’ll miss who these guys have been but as long as these guys are happy then I wish them best of luck on starting their relationships and families.

I dunno this is just going to be a weird year the more I think about all the changes my friends are going through. And reflecting on my own life I don’t really see any kind of change going on. I have only one goal I want to accomplish and that is pay off my loans. Once my loans are paid off then I guess I’ll see what I’d like to do next. A career really isn’t important to me because life isn’t money. I just want to do something I enjoy or something that will let me take long vacations every year. I dunno I’m still young and have plenty of time to do whatever and figure stuff out.

I need to get off here now and clean up. Today is my first day washing dishes at a country club in town called Sycamore Hills. A new friend I met Justin talked to his dad who is the Chef there and hooked me up with the job. Haha a college graduate washing dishes. I honestly think this will be a fun job though and the Chef said he cooks the guys there a meal when they are there.

Side Note: I really hate how the words hope and change are now associated with Obama.

18
Mar

I sent my sister to California

   Posted by: Sir Mason

Well a couple weekends ago My dad and I drove my sister to California. The entire trip time was 41:59 hours with a 40:14 driving time over 2000 miles.

And this is how it went.

My sister had got married a week before we drove her to California and she came back to Indiana to arrange some things. She needed to figure out how there things were going to get shipped out there and how she was going to get a car. When she needed a car this is where my dad and I came in. My dad did not trust her driving out there on her own since she has not been driving a long time, she is little, and there are a lot of creeps on the road; I agreed that 2000 miles is way too many for my little sister.

When we left the house my dad started the trip and I was glad since I was still tired since I stayed up till 04:00AM and only slept for a few hours. I convinced my dad to take I-80 and that we would probly only have to pay toll one time… and I was right. So we headed for Chicago which we would later land in by airplane on the way home. It was the same old drive to Chicago… a couple hours too long and boring. We stopped there for lunch we all looked like we had been driving for too long and still had 40:00 hours to go.

I was suprised that my dad wanted to stop at Taco Bell since he always talks about how much he hates Mexican food. I wonder when he decided to just try it instead of knocking it all of the time. We would eat Mexican food a few time on the trip by his request; this was probly one of the biggest shocks in my life.

We continued our trip trough Iowa. When we were driving through I wanted to stop by my friend Nate’s place pretty bad we I could not remember exactly how to get there. I did recognize a Walmart and shopping center that was close to his house though. I went and visited him with his dad last spring. I am hoping he comes to Indiana sometime so we can watch some YTMND and maybe play some video games like the college days. While we were driving through we saw the Mississippi and some windmills. Other than that Iowa is flatter and has less life than Indiana. Then we drove through Nebraska which was just as boring.

The rest of the trip is really just a blur since we never stopped driving unless we were hungry or the car was hungry for gasoline. I remember after Iowa though I woke up and saw some mountains. Once I saw them I could not even fall asleep. The only mountains I ever saw were in Laos; America redeemed itself by showing some new landscape to me. I always though of America as this great flatland; I always knew it had mountains and cool stuff but I never witnessed it first hand. Even though it was about late at night/early morning I was enchanted by the huge mountains. I stopped the car a few times to take photos of the giant hills. This was the best time to take photos since during the day the highway was crowded. at night the only vehicle you really see are semi trucks avoiding the traffic of the day. I was disappointed at myself for not bringing my tripod; I could have taken so many cool photos while I was out there. I’m sure I’ll have more time to take photos out there when I get to travel after my loans are paid off.

I drove through the first group of mountains till we hit flat ground again. My dad took control but I woke up again to see more mountains. These were not green like the first set though these were brownish red with snow on them. We were deeper in Wyoming. The mountains i saw there wrapped itself around a small town that was lit up before the sunrise.

Although Wyoming had stuff to look at since it was not flat it was a pretty boring ride. Everything was just brown. When we hit the boarder of Wyoming and Utah it was like magic. When we wrapped around our last brown mountain in Wyoming we saw the green mountains of Utah. The road curved along the side of the mountains going up and down. The inclines were so steep that the semi trucks had a hard time climbing up the hills… my sisters little car didn’t like them much either. When my dad was tired of driving we stopped on the side of the road and he wouldn’t stop bugging me to take his photo in front of some of the mountains. I think that he was just as excited as I was to be somewhere new and to look at new things. I know that the trip brought me out of a little slump I have been in for a while by knowing there is a lot more than what is at home.

A lot of Utah was so foggy because of how it was just surrounded by mountains. I was kind of disappointed because I wanted to see Salt Lake City. Once we were about to exit the Salt Flats we hit a snow storm that lasted for about half an hour. I did the driving though because I don’t trust my dad and my sister doesn’t drive well in the snow either. A few minutes into the snow storm it started to get pretty deep. It was nothing compared to what we have here in the Midwest.

Once we got out of the snow storm and at the end of the Salt Flats we had dinner at some Mexican restaurant. The place had a lot of photos of people who try and break land speed records on bikes, cars, and minivans. The restroom ranked number one in gross truck stops. It did have the typical gross showers, novelties, and scary stories on CD about masked murdering truckers who abduct females while on the road.

When we got to the boarder of Utah and Nevada The scenary changed again. It seems to me that states are separated by the way they look, out in the West. Nevada was covered in beatiful towering mointains covered in snow with clouds falling off thier peeks. I wanted to climb every single one of them. Nevada tries to seduce people in with these beatiful mountains then it kills you with its harsh wasteland.

Once we got to the end of Nevada I went into a total different mode. I knew I was about to drive for 1000 miles straight. I knew that if I kept driving we would make it there with no problems. I stopped for gas in Reno; my sister called her husband with excitment. I was happy because I was delivering a happy bride/sister to a egerly waiting husband. Someone made a giant “g” in the mountain in Reno.

The next part of the trip was the most exciting. I had to drive through 100 miles of 3 lane mountain range but the lanes were not painted on. Some people were driving in excess of 70mph I kept the car 65mph and stuck behind a car that seemed to know what was going on. It was a fun ride and I’m glad my mom wasn’t on that road with us because she would probly never stop yelling.

Once we got out of the mountain we could see the bright lights of all the little towns. That is one of the things I loved about the mountains. Everytime you aproach a different town you can see the whole town from way up there. The rest of the trip was pretty boring just a lot of exits and turns to get where she lives.

Once we got to her place we picked up her husband and took them home. We stayed at a hotel. I’m glad too because my sisters shower didn’t have hot water and all I wanted to do was take a shower.

The next day my sister took us around  town and we went to an aquarium in Monterey Bay while her husband was doing his Marines stuff. It was a cute little town with a lot of hills, people who bicycle and run, and ocean. When we drove there someone had drew a face in the sand dune with grass and it said, “I love ____”. When we left someone was picking it apart; I wonder if it was the girl. Also when we left there was a homeless guy playing the guitar pretty well but he sang like a drunken pirate. I wanted to listen to him more but I also wanted to spend time with my family more than the drunken guitar playing pirate.

Later that night after we ate and drank some beer (probly the only time I took a decent photo the whole trip) my sister and her husband took us to where they got married. It was also a cute little spot. I got to take some night shots of their town. I was kinda upset since this was one of the funnest days I had with my sister and that I knew I would not see her in a long time.

When we left it was 04:30AM this was the 3rd time I ever saw my dad cry my whole life; the 1st time was when I made his really mad when I was a kid and the 2nd time was the morning my sister picked us up from the hotel to spend our last day together. For some reason I never cried that she left. I do miss her but I know that she is having a great time being married and living in a really nice town; I also know that I will see her many more times and she’ll have stories to tell. The trip also makes me want to move out to the coast in a warmer state. I’m glad she didn’t fly out there and I’m glad that my dad and I got to spend some good time with her because spending time with family is something that my family does not to well and we did it for an entire day. And that is probly what makes me feel the most upset about her being gone. At least I know although we don’t spend much time together we are always willing to do anything for family.

25
Feb

Из Америки с любовью.

   Posted by: Sir Mason

Это все вы русский! Я не понимаю, все, что вы говорите! Почему люди считают меня интересно? Я не делаю много вещей … Я просто среднего. Когда вы думаете о ней я, как и вы, ребята. Вы, ребята любят питья, и я люблю питья. Вы, ребята любят Gentoo, и я люблю Gentoo. -Нибудь, возможно, я пойду и посетить вашу страну. Буду любить ездить моя Талль велосипедов в Санкт-Петербурге. Было бы здорово выпить водки с вами, ребята. Я не понимаю, слово, которое вы, ребята говорят, но я знаю, мы будем смеяться и весело время. Я считаю, человек может быть сильнее облигаций, когда есть какие-то связи барьер. Мы хотели бы быть хорошими друзьями. Вы, вероятно, сделать Анекдоты про меня, и я хотел бы сделать Анекдоты о вас. Я хотел бы узнать что-нибудь из вас, и вы бы узнать что-нибудь от меня. Языковой барьер ударов, а расстояние удара. Не волнуйтесь, хотя нибудь мы будем встретиться лицом к лицу. Хорошие времена скоро придет между нами.
(For English: Copy Paste into http://translate.google.com/)
24
Dec

Sleepy…

   Posted by: Sir Mason

I always find the need to stay up early into the morning and then wake up four hours later. I have a problem. I need to get some sleep and get into a better schedule. I should probably do this before I find a job so I can prove that I can do my best for whoever I work for.

Today is Christmas Eve and I am going to go home and spend time with my family. I dunno what we are going to do but I’m sure it could be fun. My mom said my dad has been getting depressed cause of the winter and he always does during holidays. She told me that my dad and I should take a trip to Florida for a few days; I think this would be fun. I could really use some sunlight.

I find myself staying inside upwards of four days without stepping outside. I hate this slushy muddy stuff. Today I wore jeans and I wasn’t too happy about it. I cannot stand it when my jeans get wet and the slush makes it worse. Every winter I normally just wear shorts all the time. I think it is time to start that again. I know I will look pretty funny with shorts and steel toe boots on; this is something I just have to do.

I really just can’t wait for this week to be over. I mean it is nice that this is my first week off of school and I get to have Christmas on the same week. The thing that sucks about this week is that I have one less week to look for a job just because of how busy everything is. I really hope I can get a job interview in the next could weeks. My roommate has been so kind as to let me stay here even though I owe rent. I hope that the money I am getting for help from family in the next couple days will be enough for me to pay a couple bills and help out my roommate.

I dunno why but everyone is always getting depressed when holidays roll around. I never really do… I just get bored. Hopefully everyone can chill out for a while and take a breather. I’m just glad all I have to worry about is finding a job right now. I’ve been making sure the apartment stays clean too. I guess I am just trying to not go crazy from being stuck inside!

3
Dec

Nearly Worthless

   Posted by: Sir Mason

Life is starting to seem like it is nearly worthless and will never be fulfilling; at least not very often.

On Thanksgiving after everyone had left and my laundry was finished I headed out to my grandparents house. They just bought a new house and moved from Fort Wayne to Columbia City. They had told me they were having problems with there new appliances because they are all digital. Who gives old people all digital appliances? The first thing I figured out and showed them how to use was the oven. I had a pretty hard time myself getting it to work. My grandma was having a problem with the oven only baking at 100F and when I tried I had the same problem. After goofing around with it for a few minutes I figured it out and watched them work the oven; all was good. The next thing I showed them how to use was the digital thermostat. There is one thing I hate in the world and that is digital thermostats; they have a brain of their own. I figured it all out and in no time my grandpa at 73yr old was programing it on his own. I saw that my grandma had some wireless phone sets and I set those up for them and they figured those out on their own. The last thing I did that night for them was setup the message on their answering machine; so if you ever call them and you get the machine the voice is mine. The first message I left I said, “MoOOooOoOg” they just laughed and I set it to something normal. After all the stuff was setup and they knew how to work it all we sat and talked about stuff like we always do. I always try and see my grandparents at least once a week. It kinda blows that they moved out of town… now I wont see them as much; I’m just glad they are closer to everyone in the family now. My grandparents may be old but they are in excellent health and shape.

Well this leads to the depressing thing I realized today. That evening I felt so fulfilled and good about life. Tonight I realized that life is never going to be that fulfilling; maybe only once a week. My roommate Ben confirmed that it is much less than that even. Why does life have to suck that much? Right now it just seems everything I do is for no good or I don’t get any recognition.

For this week the good feeling came from helping my roommate work on a Gentoo box for work. I just hope that life isn’t going to blow all the time… I dunno how long I am going to be able to handle it…